The pitfall of marriage

    The film "Wedding Banquet," directed by Ang Lee, portrays a gay son who is coerced into marriage. This is the fate of 80-90 per cent of gays in China, according to research.

    Traditionally, the Chinese did not frown upon homosexuality as much as those in Christian countries in the West. In some dynasties such as Han, it was viewed almost as a "chic lifestyle." On the other hand, the Chinese place a tremendous emphasis on "carrying on the family line." If a man remains unmarried at the age of 30, his parents fret and nag and devote a significant amount of time to finding a spouse for him.

    "What can I do? If I don't marry, I will break my parents' hearts. If I do marry, I'll ruin the life of an innocent girl," lamented Lu Youni, the Guangzhou teacher, who was, in the end, dragged into matrimony.

    Some men search for lesbians in order to feign marriages that can be mutually beneficial. But since finding a lesbian is much harder than finding a gay man in China, most settle into a "marriage of convenience" in which the other party is kept in the dark. Many also want to believe that they can change their sexual orientation if they try hard enough.

    These marriages invariably end in tragedy. However, they do take off much of the pressure from the family. Parents tend to believe that gay children do not remarry because they are heart-broken from their failed marriage, and if the marriage results in offspring, so much the better.

    However, more and more young people oppose these arrangements on moral grounds. Unless their spouses know the situation when tying the conjugal knot, it is unethical to involve them in these cover-up schemes, they insist.

    The more imminent danger is not moral, but physiological. Gay men who lead double lives are far more likely to spread the HIV virus to their families and to the heterosexual community, doctors maintain.

    "Discrimination has made life difficult for gays in China," said Cai Yumao, a medical expert in Shenzhen involved in the Rainbow Work Team, a community outreach programme that helps gays on health matters. "Because they cannot lead a normal sexual life, some of them are tempted to live on the edge and take risks when it comes to sexual practices."

    Cai did not deny that gays also have responsibilities and should refrain from unsafe practices no matter what. But he cautioned against the fallacy that homosexuality somehow equals AIDS or sexual diseases. "Metaphorically brushing homosexuals under the rug or throwing mud at them won't solve the problem. Rather, it will exacerbate the problem," he warned.

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